My ‘disability’ is only in the world of working 9 – 5 that rewards people who over-extend themselves, and don’t need any personal time for processing, dreaming, visioning and reflecting.
I cannot be satisfied with any normal run-of-the-mill office or customer service job. I am a creative and spiritual worker, and this is the only field I can be successful in.
I do not fit in with the status quo. I need more time for resting, eating, processing and visioning than the average person, and my creativity and spirituality need to be engaged more than the average person.
I become easily over-stimulated, and my threshold for logistical stress and last-minute changes is extraordinarily and cripplingly low.
When I am over-whelmed or –stimulated, I become irritable and exude an energy of high-stakes stress that is disruptive and un-productive. I vent inappropriately and become ineffective.
I then become exhausted and reclusive. Basic duties of self-care become extremely challenging, including sleep, exercise, grocery shopping, making food and getting exercise. I miss social and professional engagements and opportunities, which is almost a guarantee for depression and panic. With one or two things disturbing me and my emotional equilibrium, I become isolated to the point of dissociation and suicidal ideation.
Most people think I am (more than) fine and extremely talented, and wonder what all the fuss is about. It’s just that the disparity between doing well and not doing well are extraordinary in me.