innerlight

nursing my sanity

1 Comment

emotional memory

artist unknown

when i look at myself in the mirror, I frequently experience feeling suddenly exposed by my appearance. i have been out in the world looking like that, and no one said anything?

when i express myself, i frequently experience feeling suddenly mortified by what I have written or said. i shared that? what was i thinking?

I experience catastrophic self-doubt, humiliation, mortification.

it’s as if everyone can see right through the lie in me, what i am unknowingly trying to hide.

everyone knows but me, until the retrospect and i am aghast.

don’t look in the mirror,

and don’t present. just be.

that is my sanity.

my transparency & humility with all of this,

my acceptance of more than one Self and the fact that they disagree with, and contradict, each other sometimes,

my acceptance of the fact that i am not consistent and coherent —

that, is even more my sanity.

it’s so much more than vanity and being hard on myself; it’s a fluctuating sense of identity and confidence, that changes so drastically and frequently that i cannot keep up.

i can only accept this reality and live transparently with it.
view it with curiosity and share the adventure.

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Author: innerlight

A capricorn horse. Creative dreamer, over thinker. bpd, insecure attachment and any other labels for deep and chronic wounds and other gifts of brilliance that propel intense and eclectic lives and make for good art. We are high needs and high return, all the way, all the way. Surrender, integration, repair, rebuild, connect, create, evolve. Deeply.

One thought on “nursing my sanity

  1. Pingback: The Angel and Devil on my shoulder – A BPD defence mechanism for relationships – Part 1 | Day in the life of a Busy Gal...

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