innerlight

person of spirit

5 Comments

Graphics011BeingOfLight2My ‘disability’ is only in the world of working 9 – 5 that rewards people who over-extend themselves, and don’t need any personal time for processing, dreaming, visioning and reflecting.

I cannot be satisfied with any normal run-of-the-mill office or customer service job. I am a creative and spiritual worker, and this is the only field I can be successful in.

I do not fit in with the status quo. I need more time for resting, eating, processing and visioning than the average person, and my creativity and spirituality need to be engaged more than the average person.

I become easily over-stimulated, and my threshold for logistical stress and last-minute changes is extraordinarily and cripplingly low.

When I am over-whelmed or –stimulated, I become irritable and exude an energy of high-stakes stress that is disruptive and un-productive. I vent inappropriately and become ineffective.

I then become exhausted and reclusive. Basic duties of self-care become extremely challenging, including sleep, exercise, grocery shopping, making food and getting exercise. I miss social and professional engagements and opportunities, which is almost a guarantee for depression and panic. With one or two things disturbing me and my emotional equilibrium, I become isolated to the point of dissociation and suicidal ideation.

Most people think I am (more than) fine and extremely talented, and wonder what all the fuss is about. It’s just that the disparity between doing well and not doing well are extraordinary in me.

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Author: innerlight

A capricorn horse. Creative dreamer, over thinker. bpd, insecure attachment and any other labels for deep and chronic wounds and other gifts of brilliance that propel intense and eclectic lives and make for good art. We are high needs and high return, all the way, all the way. Surrender, integration, repair, rebuild, connect, create, evolve. Deeply.

5 thoughts on “person of spirit

  1. Well said. I totally understand your feelings.

  2. I have been married 2 years to someone who has BPD, but doesn’t realize it ; I have a BPD adopted son who has just divorced his 2nd wife and who hasn’t spoken to me in 4 years because I left his dad, and I have a dear gentle souled son who has bipolar disorder and extreme social anxiety. They all are all gifted in creativity but so often are enigmas to me. Your blog touches my heart so often and gives me a window of understanding . Thank you for sharing your soul with us. You are a very special person who probably touches more people than you realize

    • Marti, hearing words like these makes it all worth it. Thank you for taking the time to write. It means the world for me to hear. We are all unique, with gifts and curses and idiosyncracies. We are all complex human beings. May we all know this deeply, and pass it on. Pass it on. Pass it on. Pass it on.

  3. I’m loving this term ‘Person of Spirit’ (POS). Wouldn’t it be great to replace Person with Disabilities (PWD) with POS. We could show our ‘POS’ id cards, instead of the PWD ones. Those with invisible (‘dis’)abilities could be included in the respect (instead of patronizing separation).

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