innerlight

more confessions

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Confession. Esperanto: Konfeso. Français : Con...

Confession. Esperanto: Konfeso. Français : Confession. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I got off of a bus in a bad part of town

because I needed to throw up

because I was pregnant.

Three people dressed in business suits walked by me

together, while I was puking.

I looked up at them, and looked in their eyes,

relating to them as my contemporaries,

and was shocked when they acted

as if I wasn’t there

and kept on walking

away from me.

 

This was one of my first experiences of class; and still to this day

I honestly don’t know which I belong to.

 

I wrote and delivered the thank-you speech,

to the philanthropist family

who had granted us their prestigious leadership award

I spoke at a podium

on behalf of all the 40-odd recipients from across Canada

at a banquet dinner

 

I hid that I smoked at the in-person interviews.

I changed shirts in the middle of the day

because I’d forgotten my deoderant,

which I’d had to leave at the airport

when i almost missed my plane.
I’d slept late accidentally

gotten 2 hours of sleep the night before.

i’d almost lost everything now
— marriage, jobs, reputation, mental health.

 

One of the questions to me at the in-person interviews weekend

was whether or not I felt I’d ever failed.

My answer was that it depended on your definition of failure.

That if you learn from it, it becomes part of your success.

 

At the end of the conference, I had to leave early.

I went around to all the 90-something finalists,

sitting around the round tables. I shook their hands

and said what an honour it was …

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Author: innerlight

A capricorn horse. Creative dreamer, over thinker. bpd, insecure attachment and any other labels for deep and chronic wounds and other gifts of brilliance that propel intense and eclectic lives and make for good art. We are high needs and high return, all the way, all the way. Surrender, integration, repair, rebuild, connect, create, evolve. Deeply.

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