the other thing that has been triggered is fear.
fear of repeating any part of my previous life. how safe am i? have i learned enough not to repeat? do I trust in life and my higher power not to repeat?
presenting myself professionally brings up the fear of being misunderstood, of my authentic self being unseen, denied, ignored, shunned, shamed, isolated. having to live with a secret, the secret of me.
my therapist asked me to write on three questions:
1. What did my inner child need way back when, instead of being driven and holding up the lie of success, confidence, connectedness, stability, giftedness and well-being?
2. what is the conclusion about myself that I am acting out when I freeze in social situations?
3. Where in my life have I experienced support for my authentic self?
so, last night, I wrote on the first question: