step four: the tea leaf reading


(my post step four introduction is the context for this series of posts.)

December 29, 2010 reading:

  • Art is stress reliever. more art in 6 months
  • overwhelming joy in 6 months. everything you touch = joy.
  • October: more settled. money available.
  • Inner strength in jeopardy. don’t tip the scale.
  • Strife in dorm. inner not working. conflict of belief and values.


JOY: Joy is my activism now, in this new life. my favourite story is a true story about a lake that was dying, and a community that decided to perform an experiment. they hired a group of monks to sit by the lake and meditate for a period of several weeks. by the end of the weeks, the algae growth in the lake had reversed, and the lake’s natural folliage and wildlife had begun to regenerate.

I see people responding to the challenges of our day by going faster, doing more. I see people burning themselves out, running themselves ragged by joining committees, writing letters, etc. and from the perspective of my life, this is the opposite of what is effective. the solution is counter-intuitive. the solution is a massive movement of slowing down. Taking the time to make food for ourselves, each other; taking the time to connect with one another, taking the time for connection, spirituality, balance, self-care and well-being.

when we feel joy, we attract more of it in our lives and create more of it in the world.

what the world needs is not more action, more busy-ness, more productivity; what the world needs is to slow down and feel more joy, deepen connections and make more time for the things that are most important in life. make food, walk places, ride bikes instead of drive cars, know each other and ourselves. know joy.

my whole life is about this. i feel and generate joy by sitting in circle with other human beings, sharing our stories, making music, making food, celebrating, dancing, listening, and helping each other to heal.

CONFLICT OF VALUES IN DORM: In the middle of all my notes on projects and actions to create change is this page:

I have never viewed myself as, or aspired to be, a leader. I’m not sure how it’s sitting with me. I’m driven to make things happen, but the authority and social role that come with doing that are a foreign concept that challenges me in many core ways. This makes me gun-shy. I am assessing / re-defining my role in making things happen, to find the one that suits my introverted personality.

I am in an ebb. I’ve had a great out-flow of energy. There is a lot of learning to digest and a big change in direction. Ebb is gathering information, synergizing, lots of internal processes — things moving, new waves in motion. I cannot rush the process. I can feel things building, and I am being inspired, but I cannot force them. The award is not congruent with this; it is adversely affecting my process. I do not like the pressure.

mom and i getting a tea leaf reading over christmas break 2010



Author: innerlight

A capricorn horse. Creative dreamer, over thinker. bpd, insecure attachment and any other labels for deep and chronic wounds and other gifts of brilliance that propel intense and eclectic lives and make for good art. We are high needs and high return, all the way, all the way. Surrender, integration, repair, rebuild, connect, create, evolve. Deeply.

3 thoughts on “step four: the tea leaf reading

  1. I agree. We need to be counter-intuitive in order to find joy. I gave up the drama and rat race when my mental health took a nose dive three years ago before I was diagnosed bipolar. I am now content most of the time. Love this post!

    • i actually find myself praying for people to reach that breaking point, where we surrender everything we think we should be doing, and start doing what brings us joy. i rejoice for everyone who finds that wisdom, as painful of a lesson as it can sometimes be. i find that for me, it’s been worth it; and those who have also come through are the people who make great friends for me (so my prayers are a little bit selfish sometimes — I admit it. !) No but really, I sincerely believe that joy can save the world — ha!

      thanks for following, and reading, and liking and commenting, Shelly. I’ve been feeling guilty that I have not had time to read any of the blogs I follow lately. it’s felt best for me to limit my time on the computer, and that means I feel a little out of touch, or that I am missing out on connection with my fellow bloggers. I’m glad we’re here in cyberland together. Blessings to you, until soon, Underground.

  2. Pingback: step four: the authentic voice that called « underground

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