‘i must be perfect to be accepted’ by alshepmcr


this photo was posted on flickr with an article about narcism that I found surprisingly illuminating. it caught my attention, as i was looking for images to represent perfectionism.

strange, i can tell that i would feel more embarrassed to say that i have narcisistic personality disorder than i do with bpd, and i have no idea why. i have to admit feeling a little bit naked publishing this because i relate to it so much. but what else is a blog for than to bare the soul for the sake of information, compassion and perspective?

so, word for word, here is the article ‘i must be perfect to be accepted’ by alshepmcr:

Pathological narcissism occurs in a spectrum of severity. In its more extreme forms, it is narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). NPD is considered to result from a person’s belief that they are flawed in a way that makes them fundamentally unacceptable to others. This belief is held below the person’s conscious awareness; such a person would typically deny thinking such a thing, if questioned. In order to protect themselves against the intolerably painful rejection and isolation that (they imagine) would follow if others recognized their supposedly defective nature, such people make strong attempts to control others’ view of them and behavior towards them.

Pathological narcissism can develop from an impairment in the quality of the person’s relationship with their primary caregivers, usually their parents, in that the parents were unable to form a healthy and empathic attachment to them. This results in the child’s conception of himself/herself as unimportant and unconnected to others. The child typically comes to believe they have some personality defect that makes them unvalued and unwanted.

Narcissistic personality disorder is isolating, disenfranchising, painful, and formidable for those living with it and often those who are in a relationship with them. Distinctions need to be made among those who have NPD because not each and every person with NPD is the same. Even with similar core issues, the way in which one’s individual narcissism manifests itself in his or her relationships varies.

To the extent that people are pathologically narcissistic, they can be controlling, blaming, self-absorbed, intolerant of others’ views, unaware of others’ needs and of the effects of their behavior on others, and insistent that others see them as they wish to be seen.

People who are overly narcissistic commonly feel rejected, humiliated and threatened when criticised. To protect themselves from these dangers, they often react with disdain, rage, and/or defiance to any slight criticism, real or imagined. To avoid such situations, some narcissistic people withdraw socially and may feign modesty or humility. In cases where the narcissistic personality-disordered individual feels a lack of admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation, he/she may also manifest wishes to be feared and to be notorious (narcissistic supply).

Although individuals with NPD are often ambitious and capable, the inability to tolerate setbacks, disagreements or criticism, along with lack of empathy, make it difficult for such individuals to work cooperatively with others or to maintain long-term professional achievements. With narcissistic personality disorder, the individual’s self-perceived fantastic grandiosity, often coupled with a hypomanic mood, is typically not commensurate with his or her real accomplishments.

The exploitativeness, sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, disregard for others, and constant need for attention inherent in NPD adversely affect interpersonal relationships.


Author: innerlight

A capricorn horse. Creative dreamer, over thinker. bpd, insecure attachment and any other labels for deep and chronic wounds and other gifts of brilliance that propel intense and eclectic lives and make for good art. We are high needs and high return, all the way, all the way. Surrender, integration, repair, rebuild, connect, create, evolve. Deeply.

4 thoughts on “‘i must be perfect to be accepted’ by alshepmcr

  1. I have struggled with perfectionism in the past with some seeping out in the present but have come to realize that the only perfect one is Jesus. To me perfect means possibility.

  2. perfect means possibility. i like it, Shelly. hmmm, what does perfect mean to others reading this?
    perfect to me …. fulfilling the inner authentic muse to the maximum potential–listen, hear, act.
    great question.

  3. Wow- this one hits the nail on the head with my mom. I felt like I was reading the walls of her heart. She most definitely has all the symptoms NPD. The perceived rejection as a child by her parents… the insecurities she felt she had to mask. The constant effort to show the world what she thinks to validate her person because she has felt unvalidatde all her life. I am convinced that there is only one who can fill this void that was developed so long ago- Jesus.

    I was not raised in a church, and spent a lot of my life criticizing people of faith. I fully feel those were negative forces at work to keep me from the happiness God intended me to have. It may sound way out- or completely nuts to someone who has not ventured down this path, but the Holy Spirit is a very real thing. It can completely change you- the tough part is realizing that God had a plan for you all along and that his love for you is so immense. When you see this love unfold in your spirit, it takes your breath away.

    God had been working on me for a long time and I was always the reluctant listener. I didn’t trust love much so the concept of a creator who loved me was just not something I was willing to buy into. It all seemed like some big band-aid for the discontent in life. I had a million excuses why I wasn’t going to bother with “religion.” I am here to tell you, it is no band-aid. It is truly the answer to discovering the beautiful and loved person God created you to be.

    Allowing the Spirit to come in you and trusting that it will not break your heart and will not abandon you is step one. That His Spirit is there to make you the person you are supposed to be. His love for you is more amazing than any human experience you will ever have. If you have never done it before, pick up the Bible, open to Romans and start reading. My personal favorite chapter is Romans 12. If you are searching, you won’t regret reading Romans.

    If you find yourself rolling your eyes- that was me about 10 years ago. I am a lot happier now having searched this path and I hope you will give it a chance because it is truly my desire for everone to feel loved in this life- to feel content with who you are- to BE who you are. And I mean really loved- really contented. There is someone who loves you that much and He is real- not some made up thing people talk about. He is very real. He has probably been tapping on your shoulder for a long time. Turn around and see what he wants to show you- it is amazing.


    • I don’t know why I hadn’t seen this comment before. I’m glad you enjoyed and thanks for commenting. I think whether you call it religion or spirituality, God, the Universe or the Almighty Shoe, there is immense and miraculous healing in the belief of a power greater than ourselves — a power that is The Greatest Love possible.

please leave a comment if you have enjoyed what you have read. thanks for visiting.

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