i feel like screaming today


why do people suddenly stop returning messages. why do people suddenly shut me out. i wish someone would tell me what i have sticking out of my nose. deep breathing. stretching the bones. raging child, raging child. left in the dark again.

when i was in my late teens and first started exploring my “inner child” i wrote about her:

quiet child sits alone inside the fire cold

rage and death can look the same, when the rage is so intense it shuts you down.

i feel like screaming today.


Author: innerlight

A capricorn horse. Creative dreamer, over thinker. bpd, insecure attachment and any other labels for deep and chronic wounds and other gifts of brilliance that propel intense and eclectic lives and make for good art. We are high needs and high return, all the way, all the way. Surrender, integration, repair, rebuild, connect, create, evolve. Deeply.

4 thoughts on “i feel like screaming today

  1. Sounds like it’s pretty out of control. I hope you find center.

    • thanks wes. if you were in the room with me, you’d probably have no idea. that is perhaps the most crazy-making part. maybe the thing that’s coming out of my nose is only visible to some. i am spinning in circles here. wups. anyway, blessings on your day and namaste.

  2. Try this: lay on the floor, and try and make yourself as flat as possible. Let your whole body dissolve into the floor and let gravity pull you down.

    When I need to get out of a bad place, I just focus on breathing slow, and letting myself be relaxed. Sometimes works, sometimes not. I hope you can do something to help yourself out.

    We are together in this.

  3. oh, you are speaking my language. i teach stretch, relaxation and meditation from time to time, inspired by years as a dancer, intermittent yoga classes, something called Mitzvah Technique and the work of Daniel Siegel who is a psychiatrist using Mindfulness Meditation to heal emotional dysfunction. His book is called ‘Mindsight.’

    Mitzvah Technique:


    Sometimes I just need to vent with words in addition to these things. I guess even though no one will tell me to my face, I do come accross as being a little off-balance sometimes. In the big picture, I know that working through my issues and patterns, as well everything else that contributes to wellness, is the healthy response to these abandonments. sigh. it is hard some days.

    thanks for being with me in the struggle, speaking a common language and reminding me that i am not alone.

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